Continue reading]]> I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving.  Ours was perfect filled with friends, family and great food and lots of ping pong :).

This year I have been taking baby steps and working toward being a better Mom.  I have noticed an overall sense of peace, contentment and love in our home since I have been doing small things each month to improve as a Mom.  This month I am working on really listening to my kids.  Whereas before, I just would have said “uh huh” to everything my kids were saying instead of really hearing them out, this month I’ve been trying really hard to listen well and discuss things with them.

I have been worried about my busy life and the busyness interfering with my goal this month (with the holidays coming up and all).  But really it hasn’t.  I have been a lot less stressed out than I usually am this time of year and the last couple days, although they were filled with things to do, really didn’t feel stressful to me.

I’ve found this goal to occur naturally as I have tried to be better.  I still have moments where I have to seek out a child and ask them to repeat what they said because I didn’t hear them (really meaning I wasn’t listening and was distracted by something else).  But I feel a closeness to them when I really intently listen and try to understand what they’re going through.  I hope this parenting plan helps someone out there!

Continue reading]]> This week was the first snow of the season and we had lots of fun making snow angels, shoveling the driveway together, and playing in the snow.

Well, we’re already on month 4, week 2 of the Parenting Plan.  I have been working on listening to my kids more this month.  I have found when I just try… a little, I get these amazing results that I wasn’t planning on at all.  For example, this week I decided to turn off the radio when I pick the kids up at school so I could actually hear what they were saying to me.  Guess what happened?  The kids became little chatterboxes and started telling me all about their day and what happened at school. They were excited to open up and I was excited to listen.  They spend the majority of their day at school and I want their at home (and in the car) time to be one where they are heard and loved unconditionally.

This is so exciting because it used to be the car ride home from school was a highly charged and stressful time for me to wait in line to pick them up for 15 minutes and then have them yelling over the radio so no one could hear each other only to come home and all do our separate things, like homework, practicing, and work.  This very small thing has been very powerful to me.  I also realized how easy it was for me before to tune out what the kids were saying and just throw in a “uh huh” or “yeah” every now and then.  This week I  am really trying to hear what they are saying to me and be supportive.  I can’t believe I wasn’t doing this before.  I am embarrassed that I wasn’t because it’s such a simple thing, but it is what it is and I am doing this parenting plan because I want to be honest with myself about my weaknesses so that I can be better.

Continue reading]]> I don’t think I ever wrapped up month 3 before moving on to month 4.  So, in month 3 I have been working on giving my kids more hugs and reporting on the results each week.  The results have been incredible, I can’t even begin to say how helpful this challenge has been to me as a Mom and probably the most helpful of all things things I’ve done so far.  First of all, it takes only a few seconds to give a hug.  Second of all, it’s good for everyone involved.  And third, that physical affection makes everyone feel more loved, so its a win-win-win!

I started keeping track of how many hugs I was giving my kids.  I would give the youngest 10+ hugs per day, the middle one usually initiates hugs with me so I would give her 5+ per day.  But my oldest daughter used to never initiate hugs until I did this parenting plan.  I thought she was growing out of hugs, but I think she was just waiting for me to show I loved her.  After specifically being mindful of giving her lots of hugs, she has initiated hugs with me many many times. It’s made a huge huge difference to me and made me more patient and compassionate toward her struggles (and she hasn’t had as many struggles as usual).  I just wish every Mom out there would try this, it’s so incredible!

I just feel like each month with this parenting plan, I barely even have to try and I get amazing, powerful results that help me become better.  I’m always surprised by how much I’ve been blessed with and how important my family is to me.  I want to be a better Mom and the little things do make a big difference.

One last thing I noticed this month is that my kids were giving each other hugs and holding hands.  WOW!

Continue reading]]> If you haven’t been keeping up with my monthly goals, this month I have been working on giving my kids more hugs.  This is my second week with this goal, but generally I choose a different parenting goal each month and do baby steps to achieve it.  That’s just how I work best.

It hasn’t been a perfect week.  I guess it never is a perfect week.  It has been a great week until this morning when I woke up to my kids arguing and crying in the kitchen over a bag of granola.  It started off the day on the wrong foot and now I’m feeling worn out and in a bad mood.  I have to remind myself that sometimes there will be bad days, but I still need to keep trying.

I have still been working on giving my kids lots of hugs and it has been well received.  Even today when we were all a little upset with each other, I didn’t let the girls go off to school without a hug.  I came to sit down at my desk and saw this note at my monitor.  It softened my heart, and it’s a good thing it did that!

On to next week.  More hugs!

Continue reading]]> School started this last week for my kids.  All 3 are going to school this year with the youngest being in half-day kindergarten at a local charter school.  I love watching the kids grow up and achieve great things and become leaders and scholars in their respective classes.  However, I always get a little emotional when I drop them off at school on that first day.  I miss them so much when they are away at school!  I think the separation is healthy for us as when the children come home from school, we are all elated to see each other again.

This week has been literally life changing for me.  I read this book called The Myth of Stress.  I almost didn’t buy it because the price tag was relatively expensive, but I’m so glad I did.  Reading this book has helped me in numerous areas in my life, not just with stress, but also in my relationships and defining what is important.

I think this week of the parenting plan was probably the most successful yet (this month I’m trying to not yell and not act annoyed when my children ask me things).  I have been a much calmer Mom as I have tried to control my temper and my actions.  I feel so much better about myself and my relationship with my kids this week. I have tried really really hard not to raise my voice, be too busy to talk to my kids, or feel annoyed with barrages of questions that kids sometimes have.

I think my kids feel more loved and listened to and I feel more patient.  Our home had a different feel about it this week and I like it alot!  I am enjoying participating in this parenting plan and sharing my experiences with you.  Please comment if you have any similar experiences or advice.

**All parenting advice and information on Positively Mommy is provided for informational purposes only. Unless otherwise noted, the site content is not written by doctors, psychologists, or other health care professionals. The staff at Positively Mommy do not have psychiatric degrees or any other therapeutic training. The majority of our advice is drawn from personal experience and thus represents personal opinion. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any reliance on the information Positively Mommy provides is solely at the risk of the user. Positively Mommy does not assume any responsibility for damage or injury to persons or property that may arise from the use of the advice and information Positively Mommy provides.

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Sometimes my kids make faces at me like this one because to be honest, well, let’s face it, I have a house to clean, errands to run, dinner to make, laundry to fold, kids to raise, volunteer hours to log, money to make, and many other responsibilities that cannot fully be listed in one blog post.  I get stressed out!  And when I get stressed out, guess what I do?  I get annoyed.  That means when my kids ask me a question (which very well may be the 100th question I’ve had that day and it’s only 8:30 am), I start to tense up and use a tone of voice with them that I’m not proud of.  I think it sends the message to them that what they have to say is not of value and that I’m not really listening.  It also sends the message that I get angry and stressed out when they come to me with an issue, problem, or even a simple comment.  I can see why they feel this way, because it’s true!  I think part of positive parenting is seeing our weaknesses as parents and working on them a little at a time to try to improve.  So, that’s what I will be working on month 2 of the Positively Mommy parenting plan.

I will post next week about how it goes!

Please comment if you struggle with the same issues I do and what you have done to become better.  I would love to hear from you!

**All parenting advice and information on Positively Mommy is provided for informational purposes only. Unless otherwise noted, the site content is not written by doctors, psychologists, or other health care professionals. The staff at Positively Mommy do not have psychiatric degrees or any other therapeutic training. The majority of our advice is drawn from personal experience and thus represents personal opinion. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any reliance on the information Positively Mommy provides is solely at the risk of the user. Positively Mommy does not assume any responsibility for damage or injury to persons or property that may arise from the use of the advice and information Positively Mommy provides.

Continue reading]]> This is the last week in my parenting plan for this month and so far it has been a really great experiment for me as a Mom. I haven’t been perfect at it, but I have tried really hard. Today at Church one of the speakers talked about how spending time with your children is so much better for them than any other activity (my kids are involved in lots of activities so this really hit home to me). Nothing is more important than taking the time and making the effort to spend quality time with them. I still can improve so much, but I feel like I’ve made an ok head start.

This week we were preparing for a baby shower. I have a friend who adopted a baby with only one day’s notice. She doesn’t have any other kids, so she didn’t have anything prepared for a baby. There were lots of people in our neighborhood who supported her and I’m so glad she got to adopt such a sweet little boy. My kids helped me a lot in shopping and preparing for the baby shower.

My oldest daughter wanted to make her own cookbook because she adores cooking, so she made this cute handwritten book where she copied recipes from my cookbooks.  We talked about the recipes and what she would like to make from the recipe book.

We also played many games of Yahtzee on the ipad and Ticket to Ride after the younger kids went to bed.  We had lots of laughs and this little girl is competitive.  I find it hard to win when I’m playing with her.  Maybe she can teach me her moves!

This week my middle child and I spent some time shopping together and having a fabulous time.  I spent a lot of time curling her hair and she helped me make apple slices for a road trip.  We sent silly emails back and forth and played some games on the computer.  She lost a tooth this week so she made an elaborate tooth structure for the tooth fairy to find her tooth in.

My youngest and I have a pretty strong bond.  He follows me around everywhere and we pretty much do everything together.  I don’t worry too much about not spending enough time with him.  We generally read books and talk every day.  This week he told me, “I’m in love with you Mommy”.  Oh, that just melted my heart!  I love that little man.

Like I said earlier, this parenting plan has been a big blessing in my life and has helped me to get my priorities in order.  My family is most important to me and I want to find time in my day to show them that.

My plan for the next month will be to watch my tone of voice with my kids especially when I’m stressed out, (which is nearly every day).  I won’t be posting for a month because of a family situation, but my thoughts will be on it for sure!

* All parenting advice and information on Positively Mommy is provided for informational purposes only. Unless otherwise noted, the site content is not written by doctors, psychologists, or other health care professionals. The staff at Positively Mommy do not have psychiatric degrees or any other therapeutic training. The majority of our advice is drawn from personal experience and thus represents personal opinion. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any reliance on the information Positively Mommy provides is solely at the risk of the user. Positively Mommy does not assume any responsibility for damage or injury to persons or property that may arise from the use of the advice and information Positively Mommy provides.

**All parenting advice and information on Positively Mommy is provided for informational purposes only. Unless otherwise noted, the site content is not written by doctors, psychologists, or other health care professionals. The staff at Positively Mommy do not have psychiatric degrees or any other therapeutic training. The majority of our advice is drawn from personal experience and thus represents personal opinion. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any reliance on the information Positively Mommy provides is solely at the risk of the user. Positively Mommy does not assume any responsibility for damage or injury to persons or property that may arise from the use of the advice and information Positively Mommy provides.

Continue reading]]> My oldest daughter will be 11 years old soon and she is stuck in that pre-teen whirlwind of getting her feelings hurt almost every day for feeling like her friends are leaving her out and ignoring her.  She cries nearly every night because she feels like she doesn’t have very many friends at school or in our close-knit neighborhood any more.  It just breaks my heart to see her going through this.  I was hoping she could escape it for a couple more years.  Isn’t 11 years old too early for this to be happening?!

At first, I wasn’t sure how to deal with her emotion about her friends and I was surprised that all of a sudden (almost over night) that her friends were so very important to her sense of self and purpose.  She began to feel that she wasn’t good at anything and that no one liked her.   She is super fun to be around and is very good at anything creative.  She is a little shy and quiet but she gets over it quickly when she knows someone well.

As I prayed and pondered what I could do to help her, the answer came that I needed to build up her self-confidence a lot more than I had been.  I started spending more one-on-one time with her and gave her lots of hugs and told her how great she was at things she did.  I have also tried to make an effort to invite more friends over to our house to play.  All these things have helped quite a lot.  However, a few nights ago as I was tucking her in, she was having anxiety about friends again and was starting to get emotional before bed.

I talked to her about how her friends would come and go, but that her younger sister looked up to her so much and would be a friend for life.  Over the last year or so, they had been bickering quite a bit and really hadn’t enjoyed playing together as much as they previously had.  I thought it was the 3 year age gap, but a lot of it was probably because my older daughter was desperately seeking out other friends in the neighborhood and at school.

This conversation about her sister calmed my daughter and she went to sleep that night
easily and without the anxiety that she usually has at bedtime.  I noticed that the next couple days my girls were playing together more.  This brought so much joy and happiness to me because I knew it was what they both  needed.  Despite their age gap, they still have a lot in common and like to do the same things.  I love seeing them play together and showing one another how it feels to have a sister.

What special bonds do your girls have?  What do you do to foster those bonds? Please share them with us in the comments section.

**All parenting advice and information on Positively Mommy is provided for informational purposes only. Unless otherwise noted, the site content is not written by doctors, psychologists, or other health care professionals. The staff at Positively Mommy do not have psychiatric degrees or any other therapeutic training. The majority of our advice is drawn from personal experience and thus represents personal opinion. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any reliance on the information Positively Mommy provides is solely at the risk of the user. Positively Mommy does not assume any responsibility for damage or injury to persons or property that may arise from the use of the advice and information Positively Mommy provides.

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Heaven is Here Book - Signed

I have been reading an autobiography Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielson.  It is written by the creator of the popular blog Nie Nie Dialogues. You have probably seen her on any number of daytime TV shows.  She inspired me when I saw her on the Oprah Show a few years ago.  Her outright faith, passion, and love for her family (and for everyone) literally shined through her down to earth personality.

The book is the true story of a family touched by a terrible tragedy and how they overcame almost insurmountable odds.  Stephanie is such a positive person and is one of those people you just want to be like.  She has been a great example to me about the kind of mother I would like keep working toward.  She has a very honest writing style and her story is so interesting.  I have stayed up until after midnight on several occasions just telling myself I’ll only read one more page, several chapters later I have to force myself to put it down and go to sleep!

Reading this book will change your life.  Guaranteed.  For the better.

I happen to have a signed copy of this book in April and got to meet Stephanie and her husband Christian in person.  I took my 11 year old daughter with me to meet her.  My daughter was a little apprehensive at first, but Stephanie was really warm with her and you could see the connection she has with children.  The line to meet her was literally out the door and she was in the very back of a large bookstore.  She greeted each person as if they really mattered.  I’m thankful to have read her story and that I could meet her in person.

You can purchase the book for around $15 on Amazon.com.  It’s well worth it!

**All content provided by Positively Mommy is for informational purposes only. Positively Mommy makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information found on this site or found by following any link on this site. Positively Mommy will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. Positively Mommy will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information. This policy is subject to change at anytime.

Continue reading]]> So yesterday I posted this on Facebook:

“I had a lightbulb moment last night. I am one of those stressed out Moms that doesn’t fully listen to what the kids say all the time and I was reminded that my 11 year old needs me more than ever. I really want to change, I just don’t know how to stop my stress addiction. Do you have any advice for me?”

Too Many Distractions!

I received a lot of comments with articles and things that helped them with the same issues I was having.  I love when my friends give such good and positive comments!  I really liked an article from Hands Free Mama called How to Miss a Childhood.  She gives tips and advice about how to make your kids feel more wanted and loved by you as their mother.  I enjoyed reading the article and I suggest every Mom read it, especially Moms that are media savvy.  There are so many distractions out there, maybe we don’t have to get rid of all of them, but we would be better off if we let go of  being “connected” to our devices at certain times of the day, such as in the morning when the kids wake up, when they get home from school, and at dinner and bed time.  We could use that time to have a dialog with our kids and really listen to what they have to say to us. What do you think?

**All parenting advice and information on Positively Mommy is provided for informational purposes only. Unless otherwise noted, the site content is not written by doctors, psychologists, or other health care professionals. The staff at Positively Mommy do not have psychiatric degrees or any other therapeutic training. The majority of our advice is drawn from personal experience and thus represents personal opinion. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any reliance on the information Positively Mommy provides is solely at the risk of the user. Positively Mommy does not assume any responsibility for damage or injury to persons or property that may arise from the use of the advice and information Positively Mommy provides.